So, if you wanna know what we’ve been up to but in a podcast form, then check this shizzle out, yo!

The last few weeks have been CRAZY… no, seriously crazy!

Me & Kylie have been busy doing pre-production for Cowboys & Engines, the mainstream short we managed to finace through Kickstarter featuring non other than Malcolm McDowell, Richard Hatch & Walter Koenig.

Anyway, long story short, we started filming last week & have been working 20 hour (and on one occaision 28 hour!) days both building, redesigning & prepping sets for what is sure to be an EPIC little movie…

So without further ado, here are some BTS pics from the first couple of day of shooting, no doubt i will be adding to them as production continues.

Andy

I’ve done two blogs in a week… WTF!?

Anyway, here is our latest podcast. So sit back, relax & Enjoy.

So, it’s been a while…

Firstly, let me say a big thank you to everyone that tweeted & ‘facebooked’ pictures of their own festivities during Andyfest 2013 (see previous blog entry if you are scratching your head right now) but please know that it is appreciated that you all consider my small world such a big deal & also that it makes me feel warm inside that Jack Daniels & Bacon is the universal conduit that connects us all.

Anyway, so what’s been happening since AndyFest 2013, you ask?

Well, first off me & Kylie now have our own podcast channel on Soundcloud:

Secondly, (if you haven’t instantly clicked on the link above & then listened to the latest show) we have recently driven to Colorado to watch Kylie’s Mom & Dad get married for the 2nd time (after being divorced for nearly 30 years)

And Finally (or thirdly) we have just wrapped Man of Steel XXX & Wonder Woman XXX for Axel Braun & are now deep in pre-production for Cowboys & Engines starring non other than Malcolm McDowell, Walter Koenig & Richard Hatch.

So, we’ve been quite busy as you imagine (hence the 3 week gap in my blog entry type stuff) & i really have nothing to say, apart from that me & Kylie now literally live at Home Depot & that constructing a steam punk world that includes a Zeppelin, a metal steam-powered horse & other various weird & wonderful alternate reality things now consume my existence… damn you Kickstarter, damn you & your succesful fund-raising ways!

….and on that note I must bid you all farewell, I just wish that i had pictures to post for you, but unfortunately I don’t… well ok, (if i am being honest) i actually have loads, but follow me on Instagram instead (www.instagram.com/theandyappleton) & it will alleviate the pain of me having to upload them here instead after i get home from another 18 hour day of art direction hell!

In short, don’t go changing, look after Mom & know that I love you all…

Andy

(PS: “Love you all” only applies to hot chicks with great Bjangos)

(PPS: If for some reason instagram is being weird & taking you to your home page, work out how to find me!)

For those of you who have been living under a rock (or in France) for the past 3 years, here’s the yearly recap of Andyfest ©

 ■What is Andyfest © ?

AndyFest © is a weeklong celebration commemorating the birth of the greatest human being in the history of Universe AND his union with the greatest woman… in the history of Universe.

■When is AndyFest©?

It runs from April 10th (12am) to April 17th (11.59pm)

 ■Who takes part in Andyfest © ?

Everybody* on Earth. *(except dull cunts, eggvatars, fucktards & Vegans)

 ■When did AndyFest © first start?

Archeologists say Andyfest© dates back to the Jurassic period & that the mass extinction of the dinosaurs was actually just a REALLY bad hangover that the dinosaurs couldn’t recovered from. Religious scholars state that the Pagan celebration of Spring was actually the first one & that the term “Sun God” is just the ancient phrase meaning  AndyFest ©…but with the birth of modern science & theology, in recent times the idea is believed to have come from the mind of Porn Legend Kylie Ireland who thought it only appropriate that 2 such monumental events as the birth of the world’s greatest human & his union with the greatest pair of tits in the universe should simply consist of a week of celebration & joy… by which she meant unadulterated debauchery & rampant filth.

■Who Invented the term AndyFest ©?

Despite several mentions in various religious writings such as the Bible, the Koran & the first edition of the Ikea catalogue (who coincidentally mentioned a chest of draws called AnydFøst) it was actually Porn actress Amber Rayne who first coined the phrase AndyFest © during a conversation with Kylie Ireland back in 2010, the name was an instant success.

■What happens during AndyFest ©?

Basically anything,  AndyFest © is a worldwide event that includes all things fun, so let your minds & bodies run wild… guilt or shame don’t apply during AndyFest © * *(certain restrictions may apply, see rules for details)

■Is there anything else I need to know about AndyFest ©?

Yes… and No! Whilst AndyFest © is open to one and all and there aren’t any rules of conduct during AndyFest © but please ensure you read the rules of conduct during AndyFest ©

And so there you have it, the complete history of Andyfest © in a nutshell… so without further ado (& in order to maximize your enjoyment of Andyfest ©) here are the rules of conduct for AndyFest © 2013 …enjoy your week, look after Mum, drive safely & don’t go changing.

————–

THE RULES OF CONDUCT

1. Jack Daniels is your weapon of choice, your local Liquor store or nightclub/bar will give it to you for free during AndyFest © …if they don’t, please feel free to smash the place up.

2. FREE SEX FOR ALL. That’s right, no one can say no during AndyFest ©… so ensure you carry a supply of paper bags with you just in case you need them for… let’s just say ’unfortunate’ looking people.

3. If you get arrested during Andyfest © simply tell the police that you are celebrating  AndyFest© ….not only will you get off scott free but the police are obliged to give you a lift home, a written letter of apology & a Kebab.

4. Men are NOT allowed to wear skinny Jeans during AndyFest ©. If you see someone breaking this rule, you are allowed to punch them in the face until your arm hurts, then the offending ‘girly boy’ must give you $10 (or property to the value of!) for every punch you landed.

5. You have to be nice* Being nice should be a staple diet of everyone’s daily routine, but during Andyfest © you simply have ignore Fucktards, after all they are missing out on this GREAT holiday & lot’s of free sex & booze… so fuck em.  *(Oh, this doesn’t apply to rule 4 btw)

6. Yet another perk of AndyFest © is that you don’t have to go to work. If your boss argues with you or tells you there is no such holiday of AndyFest © simply use a drug like Chloroform (or similar) and place them in your trunk of your car for a week. Ensure you let them out before 11.59pm on the 17th to qualify for rule 3.

7. If you are French you have to wear a yellow T-shirt with the slogan ’Surrender Monkey’ on it OR ‘Horse Meat & Garlic please, it’s le nom nom’

8. Your Local Aston Martin/Ferrari & Porsche Dealer will lend you any car of your choice for the entire duration on AndyFest ©  If they think you have gone crazy, don’t worry just take one for a test drive & then keep it for 7 days & utilize rule 3 to your full advantage.

9. Bacon is free & even though the cheese sandwich is the official meal of Andyfest © please feel free to stock up for the year… cause there is no such thing as too much Bacon.

10. Be safe! AndyFest © can be a hazardous time, and seeing as you don’t wanna go crashing your Aston Martin, dropping your Bacon & cheese sandwich or catching any weird diseases, ensure you get your multi-purpose AndyFest © seatbelt/bib condom…. available now from all good retailers!

AND THAT’S it… please remember to tweet in your AndyFest © pics to www.twitter.com/theandyappleton.

The best one will get a retweet …probably, I dunno, I’m gonna be kneedeep in Jack Daniels/Bacon/cheese & huge tits so I might forget stuff … but eitherway have a great time.

Andy

PS: And don’t forget the official Hashtag for AndyFest2013 © “#MichaelWeinsteinIsaCunt”

To be fair, i could have called this entry “Need a Castle? Then call an Englishman & his cumly new world wench” but seeing as i didn’t have enough space in the header plus the fact that i would’ve been beaten around the head with a blunt object whilst my American wife screamed “who are you calling a Wench?” i decided to go with the former. Besides, having said that my wife is more of a ‘Brazen Strumpet’ than a ‘Wench’ so i decided to just run with it. Either way, you get the point… we basically design & build sets.

Anyway getting back on point, last week me & Kylie (who is not a Wench btw) were given the task by Kink (as in Kink.com) to create (from scratch) a castle/medieval setting for a small movie they were making that was being directed by the ever lovely Princess Donna.

And so here’s how we did it, thanks to the stunning Chanel Preston & her tits for making the set look even more spectacular… we had nothing to do with that part!

1. We all occasionally post food pics, our cooking photos are boring.
2. There are 7 Billion people on the planet, reproduction is easy. Your children are only special to you.
3. Yep, weekends are great. Mondays are shit.
4. The weather in England sucks. But here’s a photo of it anyway.
5. Animals are cute, they do cute things, we all love thier cuteness. People who abuse animals should die a horrible death.
6. Some people beat cancer or serious illness. You are either lucky or you are not. Asking for ‘shares’ to assist someone or congratulate someone is futile.
7. You are NOT going to win an iPad, you might however win a computer virus.
8. We all have at least 20 ‘friends’ who we don’t like, we keep them around to remind us how shit they are… and how great we are.
9. ALL Politicians suck, they only care about their careers. They make terrible decisions that only impact good people.
10. Good people tend to be normal & honest who think that society still has morals & standards. Politicans don’t care about your morals or standards.
11. Single women that think they are single because men aren’t up to the task of handling them, are single for the very same reason.
12. Not all Muslims are terrorists yet usually most terrorists seem to be Muslim.
13. Most religions hate women, gay or free thinking people. It’s because it takes away their influence, power & revenue streams.
14. Religion should not comprehend the word ‘Hate’. It should only comprehend the word Love…. yet it doesn’t.
15. Girls take a lot of self pics. Just click ‘like’.
16. You aren’t deep or spiritual. We all steal famous quotes thinking it applies to us, cause we all have an inflated opinion of ourselves.
17. Horoscopes make no sense. The planets were moving for billions of years before life even existed.
18. eCards will happen 20 times a day.
19. Instagram makes us all look prettier, more interesting & more awesome at photography.
20. We all know far too many people that are the Mayor of somewhere according to 4 square.
21. We all know far too many people that update us on TV & film spoilers.
22. Yes, you go to the Gym, you are super human… we get it.
23. Yes, you like drinking, you have a hangover… we get it.
24. Bacon connects us all.
25. We all need to stop telling the world what we think is wrong & we all need to start doing something about it.

Hey folks,

As you can tell by my timeline i’ve not been bloggin that much, infact i was repremanded only the other day by my sister for not even returning emails… so apologies all around, life is simply hectic at the moment.

Meanwhile moving on, me & Kylie have been busy finishing sets for the last 2 Axel Braun movies & as i type we are now currently deep in pre-production building sets for his next two PLUS we have been preparing for our HUGE mainstream movie ‘Cowboys & Engines’ …Oh, if you don’t know what the fuck that is, then shame on you, go catch up on our kickstarter page right here: http://kck.st/WGta1K (and of course donate, we are only $7K away from success)

Anyway, that being said, today i spent all day on set acting in ANOTHER Axel Braun feature (i have no idea when that guy sleeps!) but this time for Hustler. In it i play an Admiral in ’Star Trek XXX 3D’ alongside Evan Stone, Michael Vegas, Bailey Blue & Ana Fox as well as many other adult film types & i must say that not only does it look like another smash hit for Axel but it was also a fun filled day with some really great people, the highlight for me being Evan, Michael & me doing an improv musical version whilst practising our lines… although to be fair we didn’t have a dull moment all day.

SO, that being said & as ever with my blogs i leave with with a few pics & promises of release dates for all the movies we are working on.

Andy

Today me & Kylie went to Freddie Lincoln’s ‘Celebration of life’ to commemorate the passing of a great man that dedicated most of his life to bringing you & the rest of the world some REALLY GREAT porn.

For those of you who don’t know Freddie (as i didn’t until recently) try googling him, checking out his imdb pages & doing a bit of research & you will soon find out just what a pioneer he really was…

Anyway, the reason why i went along was not only to show support for my wife but also because Kylie has told me SOOO many funny stories about Freddie (including ones from her very first movie back in 94) and i just felt it would be a nice way to pay respects to a man that not only Kylie had so much admiration & fondness for but one that shaped her earlier career & also contributed to the woman i know & love today.

Today was superb & a truly wonderful way for Freddie to be remembered. The place was full of legends from the Adult world with the likes of Tori Welles, Sean Michaels, Mark Davis, Alexandra Silk, Hyapatia Lee, Luke Wylder, Misty Rain, Jessica Drake, Tom Byron & so many many more, all turning up to tell stories & share good times for a man they all deepy respected & admired.

I also have to say that whilst listening to some of those stories & watching the BTS clips & interviews with Freddie that were shown, that not only did he seem like the man that everyone portayed he was but he was also a truly wonderful friend to many & a dedicated father to his kids. The speech given by his daughter Angelica had everyone in fits of laughter & floods of tears, it was a truly wonderful moment.

So to bring this blog post to an end i simply say this.

RIP Freddie, you will be missed by many… Oh, & thanks for the porn, we appreciate it

Just so you know, i am going to milk this award till it turns into cheese…

As you may or may not know, me & Kylie won “Best Art Direction” for Star Wars XXX at this years AVN awards. I would personally like to take all the credit for it but as we know (despite my assertions to the contrary) this is not the case. I was simply a huge cog in an even larger machine. So without further ado, i would like to say thank you to the following people who put in all the hard work, made me look fantastic & provided me with a golden trophy that looks like it is having sex with itself.

…and those people are:

Axel Braun – The Director, the Mad professor… the attention to detail specialist

Shylar Cobi - the boss, the guy who tells us what to do, how much cash we have & the guy who tells us when we have ‘NAILED IT’

Eli Cross – The advisor, the expert in all things star wars, the guy who points us in the right direction & tells us when we have fucked up & to do it again… but better!

Nic Danger – The man who lights up our world… and our sets!

The Crew – the people who solve problems, build stuff & make us shine (and they are) Brian Streetteam, Beto, My friend Janice, Angel Vain, Eric, Joe, Dizzy Cash, Belial (the propmaster) & Pro Villain.

But most importantly (sorry you guys, but it’s true) …Kylie Ireland.

During the whole 2 months that we filmed Star Wars XXX, she was my inspiration & my driving force & despite ALL the arguments (and trust me, we argued about SOOOO many parts of this movie) we got through it, solved the insolveable & produced something that not only are we incredibly proud of but something that turned work mates into friends & those friends into family. Something very special happened on the set of this movie & the awards we received all kinda seem secondary to the moments we created off camera…

Anyway, enough of me being all emotional, let’s just look at some pics of the awards ceremony, drunk people & hot chicks! (in no particular order)