Hi everybody,

I have had a few emails today from people asking ”who the hell are you , you spawny bastard?” SO to answer that saliant point I though I would put a quick bio which I have imaginatively titled ”About me”….

Andy was born in 1972 in Ipswich. It was a difficult birth as his mother was 200 miles away at the time.

Andy was fat, cheese loving child who liked to draw & obsese about Star Wars, he once set fire to a neighbour by accident.

Some time later Andy went to study every type of cheese including Stilton & Edam at the Blackburn University of Cheese, he immediatley fell in love with the town, however, this was a time when marriages between man and town were frowned upon, so rather than risk public derision, Andy decided to just live there instead.

After dropping out of University & despite stealing most of his father’s money Andy didn’t have two pennies to rub together, which was a shame as it was his only way of keeping warm, so he began to perform disco music in bars and clubs around town and even gave occasional rave type shows.

In 1991 he was asked by Maltese people to put together a disco show for Mediteranean types (because their first choice, 80’s Pop sensation Debbie Gibson had turned out to be a shit DJ).

Two years later, Xmas 93, at ten in the evening, Andy and his imaginary friends realised he needed fish & Chips so he returned to England…It was raining!

Later on some years, roughly about Easter, Andy quite literally stepped out of  his DJ Box and picked up the front door keys to disco land and was an immediate success, it gained Andy a cool, underground kudos which he described as “not nearly enough”.

As a General Manager he toured the entire country, then after a while, just before dinner time, there was some Area Manager type stuff, then a brief spell in prison for illegal cheese laundering.

In 2006 Andy caused an international furore with the ”I’m not doing this fucking shit anymore” speech so he quit the world of Neon, lights & Neon lights. This secured his notoriety with the public (plus he had a big house in Chorley). “Blackburn can shove itself”, he said.

The movie management thing then followed soon after, which was the first job where Andy’s intelligence and charisma could be expressed. Andy said of  his career so far, “By now I was internationaly famous and could pretty much buy whatever & whoever I wanted”

So Andy bought a bag of pickled onion monster munch, hooked up with a brazen strumpet and then moved to LA…….

Andy is now semi-retired and is very rarely seen, only now and again popping up on Porn sets or in Mexican restaurants.

He mainly spends his time doing his wife  ‘who is a brazen strumpet of the first order and really loves it up her’.

On his last official tour of duty Andy was quoted to have said ”No seriously, she loves it up her, she’s a complete whore”.

Andy is 38, he still doesn’t give a fuck!