An AVN award winning Art Director wrote this.

Just so you know, i am going to milk this award till it turns into cheese…

As you may or may not know, me & Kylie won “Best Art Direction” for Star Wars XXX at this years AVN awards. I would personally like to take all the credit for it but as we know (despite my assertions to the contrary) this is not the case. I was simply a huge cog in an even larger machine. So without further ado, i would like to say thank you to the following people who put in all the hard work, made me look fantastic & provided me with a golden trophy that looks like it is having sex with itself.

…and those people are:

Axel Braun – The Director, the Mad professor… the attention to detail specialist

Shylar Cobi – the boss, the guy who tells us what to do, how much cash we have & the guy who tells us when we have ‘NAILED IT’

Eli Cross – The advisor, the expert in all things star wars, the guy who points us in the right direction & tells us when we have fucked up & to do it again… but better!

Nic Danger – The man who lights up our world… and our sets!

The Crew – the people who solve problems, build stuff & make us shine (and they are) Brian Streetteam, Beto, My friend Janice, Angel Vain, Eric, Joe, Dizzy Cash, Belial (the propmaster) & Pro Villain.

But most importantly (sorry you guys, but it’s true) …Kylie Ireland.

During the whole 2 months that we filmed Star Wars XXX, she was my inspiration & my driving force & despite ALL the arguments (and trust me, we argued about SOOOO many parts of this movie) we got through it, solved the insolveable & produced something that not only are we incredibly proud of but something that turned work mates into friends & those friends into family. Something very special happened on the set of this movie & the awards we received all kinda seem secondary to the moments we created off camera…

Anyway, enough of me being all emotional, let’s just look at some pics of the awards ceremony, drunk people & hot chicks! (in no particular order)

The X-BIZ awards 2013

OK, i could write a HUGE blog about XBIZ but i have decided not to, instead i am going to summarize an amazing evening & then just post some pics. This has nothing to do with my memory or the fact that i was slightly drunk. That last sentence is potentially a lie.

Women that looked AMAZING

My Wife, Bridgette B, Pheonix Marie, Jessica Drake, Presley Hart, Alex Chance, Brandy Aniston, Sheridan Love, Stormy Daniels, Tanya Tate, Tera Patrick, Aiden Ashley, Brooklyn Lee, Chanel Preston,London Keyes, Lizz Tayler & Amber Rayne

Spooky Moment

We had tickets for table 137, there was no table 137.

Unusual Conversations

Me & Brandon Millar surfing eBay during the awards looking for star wars toys. Me, Kylie & Tanya Tate discussing Dr Who, Hob Nobs & Quality Street on the red carpet.

People who think Dutch people are from Australia

David Lord

Other moments of note

Giving Xander Corvus a piggy back ride round the foyer (not a prison term). Barry Scott trying to kiss Tommy Gunn. Eli Cross smiling. Tera Patrick telling me that Boomer Kitty was in fact plotting to kill me. Steven St Croix’s killer mustache. Being to late for the red carpet only to have Jessica Drake drag us on there & interview Kylie with some extremley well placed questions.

Event of the night

Going up on stage to collect the Parody of the Year award with the cast & crew of Star WarsXXX. SO a big thanks to Axel Braun, you are a gentleman sir… next up the AVN’s.

Cowboys & Engines

OK, so here’s the deal. Me & Kylie are gonna be art directing a very exciting NEW mainstream movie called “Cowboys & Engines” …but as ever, WE NEED YOUR HELP!

But first, lemme give you some background info:


Cowboys & Engines is an ambitious steampunk adventure that follows Cade Ballard (Jeff Cannata), the war-weary former ambassador from the nation of Texas as he meets Guinivere Wheeler (Libby Letlow), a woman who proves to be as dangerous as she is charming. When they encounter Professor Nicholas Timéon (Walter Koenig), and learn that his temporal engine, a machine with incredible destructive power, has been stolen by would-be conqueror Dr. Clay, Cade and Guinivere set off to save San Francisco from total destruction.

This film is a labor of love, and an attempt to create something completely original and visually stunning. The movie will be something we can all be proud of; a fun, exciting ride that never becomes silly or tongue-in-cheek.  The script is extremely tight, with sharp dialogue and great characters. The cast is first-rate, and though the creative professionals behind the camera might not be household names, they’re a respected team capable of working miracles.

Hollywood has failed miserably in its attempts to bring steampunk to the screen; we’re going to do it right. Cowboys & Engines is a festival piece that will redefine steampunk for the world at large as a way of re-imagining fantasy adventure.

….I know, sounds cool, right?

So, how do we help you ask? Well, here’s how:

1) Go check out our Kickstarter page at:

2) Read ALL about the movie, who’s involved & what we plan to do.

3) Be AMAZED at the all star cast (and intrigued about our Mystery Hollywood A lister)

4) Decide what goodies you wanna recieve & how much you can donate.



But enough from me, go check out the website and dig deep…. who knows, you could even end up being in the film!

Lenny the Mook

Lenny Appleton 2005 – 2013


I remember the day i first got Lenny, i had never owned a cat before but my friend Richard’s cat had had a litter of kittens & he simply didn’t know what to do with them, so just out of curiosity i went round to see how cute they were & Lenny (who was then unnamed) simply captured my heart.

He was the friendlist, cutest & most out going little furball i had ever seen & as stupid as it may seem, it was love at first sight & after a couple of hours of him climbing around on me, falling asleep in my arms & playing with bits of string, I had no choice but to bring him home.

At the time i got him, i had just retired from 18 years of  running nightclubs & was deep in the middle of redecorating my house whilst i decided what to do with my life, so i literally spend every hour of the day with him discussing my options, life, love & the world in general all the way until he was around 6 months old & in that time i discovered he used to love sitting on my shoulders while i painted, sleeping in bowls whilst i worked, hiding in boxes that i left lying around & being cuddled every time i sat down with a cup of tea. He was the coolest little bundle of fur i had ever met, so much so that he converted me from being a dog person to a cat person.

Anyway, over the next 3 years me & Lenny became the best of pals, every day when i got in from work he would greet me at the door, sit on my shoulders as i made dinner, & then i would discuss his adventures & the array of mice & birds he would bring home for me… then we would snuggle up & watch TV.

Now, i don’t know who trained who but everyday we also used to go for walks together around our neighbourhood where he used to introduce me to all the neighbours that he had befriended, any local hedgehogs & once, even a fox!

At the time, I was only  known as “Lenny’s Dad” and to be honest,  if it wasn’t for him i wouldn’t have some of the best memories that i currently have, in fact (as an example) when i first met Kylie on Twitter it was all down to Lenny as some of our first tweets were about cats like “who had the coolest cat” & “who’s cat was the cutest” & even though Lenny didn’t win… trust me, he still was the coolest!

So, what happened to Lenny before i moved to LA you Ask? Well, let me tell you…

Before i left my house & moved, at least a couple of times a week, i would have my closest friends over to watch crappy sci fi movies, eat pizza, smoke some weed & basically chill the fuck out… one of those people was Andy Copeland, a DJ who i had worked with for MANY MANY years whilst i was still running clubs,  a guy who i had always considered as one of my best friends & a guy who was basically a crazy cat man as you could wish to meet (he already had a cat called Roger… what does that tell you!)

Anyway, Lenny & Copey (as we all know him as) loved each other from the start & if it wasn’t for my hardrive crash a few months ago i could literally blog a hundred pics of him, high as fuck with Lenny wrapped around his shoulders or having a cuddle… so when i moved, Copey simply adopted him & over the last 4 years they had the same relationship (along with his wife Laura & son Daniel) that we had, I literally could not have asked for a better Mum & Dad for Lenny & not only that I used to get weekly updates & pics PLUS Skype dates… YES, i regularly skyped with a cat!!!

So that kinda brings me around to today.

Copey & Laura Skyped me this morning & told me that Lenny had had a heart attack, that he didn’t suffer but unfortunatley that he had died & even though i am sad I am also happy that he died in the arms of my best friend & that he was loved.

My only regret is that i wish that the last time i saw Lenny that i knew it would be that last time i saw Lenny…. i love you buddy & sweet dreams.

I think the purpose of this blog is to say thank you to Copey & Laura for being the best adoptive parents ever & that i am sorry that i have given you the same heavy heart that i have right now but as my Dad always says, Animals don’t die… they simply become legends.

Happy new year…

New years eve this year was spent at a GREAT party over at Allie Haze’s house & as you can imagine there were various porn types, lots of booze & a good time was had by all. Anyway, long story short my good friend Jonathan ‘Cowboy’ Sassen surprized me the same day by turning up at LAX for a whistle stop tour of Los Angeles (all 2 days of it!) before he headed to Mexico for a Holiday… talk about a baptism of fire!

So after many hours of drinking, playing pool & good grub i must report that i didn’t take a single photograph… so err, happy new year everyone & here is a photo of Tweeker being attacked by a Dalek!