WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?

The Andy Appleton was born in 1972 in Ipswich. It was a difficult birth as his mother was 200 miles away in Manchester at the time.

Andy was fat, cheese sandwich loving child who liked to draw & obsese about Star Wars, he once set fire to a neighbour by accident.

Some time later Andy went on to study every type of cheese Sandwich including the controversial Stilton & Edam variations at the Blackburn University of Nom Nom & he immediatley fell in love with the town. However, as this was a time when marriages between man and town were frowned upon & rather than risk public derision, Andy decided to just live there instead.

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After dropping out of University & despite stealing most of his father’s money, Andy didn’t have two pennies to rub together (which was a shame as it was his only way of keeping warm) …so he began to perform disco music in bars and clubs around the town & even gave occasional rave type shows.

In 1991 he was asked by Maltese people to put together a disco show for Mediteranean types (because their first choice, 80′s Pop sensation Debbie Gibson had turned out to be shit).

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Two years later, Xmas 93, at ten in the evening, Andy and his imaginary friends realised he needed fish & Chips so he returned to England… only to discover it was raining.

Later on some years, roughly about Easter, Andy quite literally stepped out of  his DJ Box and picked up the front door keys to disco land and was an immediate success which gained him a cool, underground kudos which he described as “not nearly enough”.

As a General Manager he then toured the entire country & after a while (just before dinner time) there was some Area Manager type stuff, followed by a brief spell in prison for illegal Cheese Sandwich laundering.

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In 2006 Andy caused an international furore with the ”I’m not doing this nightclub shit anymore” speech so he quit the world of Neon, lights & Neon lights. This secured his notoriety with the public as a maverick (plus he had a Hummer & a big house in Chorley). “Blackburn can shove itself”, he said.

The movie management thing then followed soon after, which (after winning several awards) was the first job where Andy’s intelligence, charm and charisma could finally be expressed.

Andy said of his career so far, “By now I was internationaly famous and could pretty much buy whatever & whoever I wanted”

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So Andy then bought shares in a Cheese Sandwich factory, hooked up with a brazen strumpet and moved to LA.

Andy is now married, semi-retired and is very rarely seen. Every now & again he can be spotted art directing porn sets, selling out art galleries & ordering “Pollo Tacos” at Mexican restaurants. They have no idea what he is saying.

He mainly spends his time doing his wife  ’who is a brazen strumpet of the first order and really loves it up her’.

On his last official tour of duty Andy was quoted to have said ”No seriously, she loves it up her, she’s a complete whore”.

Andy is 41… he still doesn’t give a fuck what people think!

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So, to summarize “Blah, Blah, Blah, Blah… Happy”

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8 comments on “WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?

    • Due to financial difficulties it was coincidentally set ablaze at the same time I submitted a large insurance claim, luckily for me the fondue river that the fire created managed to drown the insurance agents who were sent to investigate any potential wrong doing on my behalf. I am writing this blog response from my very own 10 million dollar yacht that was paid for legally (my lawyers advised me to say) with the insurance money I got from the whole unfortunate incident.

  1. Hey Andy,

    I develop unscripted television and saw your article in VICE. Hit me up if you’re interested in talking about an unscripted show revolving around the construction of your parody sets. Thanks!

    – Thomas

  2. Hi andy. Wow a great site! I like all about stuff from bts! Which is your next work? I have some good ideas for pics! Or a short custom clip. Please mail me. Thanks! Chris

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