Andy Appleton was born in 1972 in Blackburn, Lancashire. It was a difficult birth as his mother was 200 miles away in Ipswich at the time.

Andy was a fat, cheese sandwich loving child who liked to draw & obsese about Star Wars, he once set fire to a neighbour by accident.

Some time later, Andy went on to examine every type of cheese sandwich connotation known to man, including the controversial Stilton & Edam mixture whilst studying at the Blackburn University of Nom fucking Nom. He immediatley fell in love with the town. However, this was a time when marriages between man and town were frowned upon & rather than risk public derision, Andy decided to just live there instead.


After dropping out of University a few days later, & despite stealing most of his father’s money, Andy didn’t have two pennies to rub together (which at the time was his only way of keeping warm) …and so began his career as a DJ, performing disco music in bars and clubs around the town, which also included (but was not limited to), occasional rave type shows.

In 1991 Andy was asked by some Maltese people to put together a disco/occasional rave type show for Mediteranean types (mainly because 80′s Pop sensation Debbie Gibson was in rehab at the time).


Two years later, Xmas 93, at 8.15 in the evening, Andy decided that he needed fish & Chips, so he returned to England… only to discover that it was raining.

Many years then past, and roughly about Easter, Andy literally stepped out of his DJ Box and picked up the front door keys to disco/occasional rave land and he was an immediate success, which gained him a cool, underground, legendary status… which he still describes as “not nearly enough”.

As a General Manager in the disco/occasional rave land, he toured the country & after a while (just before dinner time) there was some Area Manager type stuff, followed by a brief spell in prison for illegal Cheese Sandwich laundering.


In 2006 Andy caused an international furore with his now infamous ”I’m not doing this disco/occasional rave shit anymore” speech, & so he quit the world of Neon, lights & Neon lights. This also secured his notoriety with the public as a maverick (plus he had seen the movie Top Gun over 1000 times at this point in his career). “Sorry Goose, but it’s time to buzz the tower”, were his final words as he finally left the world of disco… and occasional rave.

Movie management then followed (after buzzing the tower), this new career path led Andy to several awards & star studied engagements & he finally felt it was a job where he could express his intelligence, charm, charisma & humility.

Andy said of his career at this point, “By now I was internationaly successful and could pretty much buy whatever & whoever I wanted… or is it whomever?”


In a twisted turn of events, Andy went on to sell all of his shares in Amazon/Google/Tesla & Facebook & invested it all in a Cheese Sandwich factory in Bolivia. It wasn’t his best idea.

Andy now lives in Los Angeles and is very rarely seen. Every now & again he can be spotted ordering food at Mexican restaurants, around the town… they have no idea what he is saying.

Andy mainly spends his time staging houses & building movie sets with his wife, who “Is a brazen strumpet of the first order and really loves it up her’.

On his last official tour of duty Andy was quoted to have said ”I can’t believe the cheese sandwich factory thing didn’t work out!”

Andy is 48yrs old… he still believes in cheese.


So, to summarize “Cheese”

8 comments on “WHO THE FUCK IS THIS GUY?

    • Due to financial difficulties it was coincidentally set ablaze at the same time I submitted a large insurance claim, luckily for me the fondue river that the fire created managed to drown the insurance agents who were sent to investigate any potential wrong doing on my behalf. I am writing this blog response from my very own 10 million dollar yacht that was paid for legally (my lawyers advised me to say) with the insurance money I got from the whole unfortunate incident.

  1. Hey Andy,

    I develop unscripted television and saw your article in VICE. Hit me up if you’re interested in talking about an unscripted show revolving around the construction of your parody sets. Thanks!

    – Thomas

  2. Hi andy. Wow a great site! I like all about stuff from bts! Which is your next work? I have some good ideas for pics! Or a short custom clip. Please mail me. Thanks! Chris

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