Ho, Ho, Ho…

In the special XMAS edition,

Me & Kylie discuss the definition of ‘Porn legend, review the worst sex stories of 2013 & give you all the gossip from behind the scenes of their latest movie. (Also includes some festive recorded clips from radio shows gone by)

The 17th of December.

So 12 years ago today, my Mum died.
Nowadays, most people usually mark such a traumatic & deeply emotional family occasion with a flippant tweet or with a selfish update on facebook about how angels are now looking down on them or something equally superstitious about religion & how their loved ones are now safe with God… but as most of you have guessed by now, I have no such luxury.
I REALLY hate classifying myself as an atheist, simply because it’s a label that weak minded idiots (or religious people, whatever) give intelligent people that have worked out that God doesn’t exist & that religion is a lie. We don’t have a similar label for people who don’t believe in Pixies/Goblins & Fairies etc… so why do ‘atheists’ have to be branded just because they have a working brain & a sense of reason/common sense?
Anyway, the point of this blog is that as an ‘atheist’, for me the anniversary of my Mothers death is a genuinely happy day… So let me explain why:
Today, I regaled many stories about my Mum’s sense of humor, I told many tales about her as a person & basically reveled in the McClennan genes (that I inherited from her) …for which I am eternally grateful. Which is (just to clarify) until the day that I die when I become nothing more but a collection of basic elements & chemicals that sit around in a lifeless body.
So to summarize, (& the point I am trying make) is that if it wasn’t for my Mum’s influence on my life, I wouldn’t have been able to make such wonderful life long friends that I have in my life today (so everyone that knows me well, please take a bow) & I also wouldn’t have been able to chose such an amazing wife (although Sigmund Freud would explain this oxymoron much better than I can) but mainly I wouldn’t be able to write such long & drawn out ‘preachy’ blogs as the one that you are now reading (bearing in mind that blogs weren’t even invented when she died & therefore she wouldn’t even understand the concept)
But having said that, if my Mum WAS still alive today, (and she DID grasp the concept) believe me when I say, that she would be sat looking over my shoulder, telling me that “I couldn’t write the things that I do, & that it would upset people (PLUS God) …but more importantly, what on earth will the neighbors say!?!”
So here’s to you Mum, & by ‘Mum’ (who is obviously dead) I actually mean everyone that is reading this that knew her, her personality & therefore understands what I am actually trying to say.
Please know that I miss you & that my life is awesome because of you & what you taught me. I REALLY appreciate the job you did while you were around, believe it or not you taught me a ton of stuff & I try to apply that to how I live my life everyday.
And yes, I know I now work in porn… but can you please make me a Bacon sandwich?
PS: OH & just for old time’s sake, here’s a picture of  me & you chillin out. (I know I have poo in my nappy, but whatever, we were a good team, so just go with it… it was the best of times)