Okay….at long last, here is the FIRST review of Star Wars XXX: The Porn Parody. Thank you to Christopher Thorne at www.xcritic.com for the awesome review!
If you are new to my blog, our stellar Production Design team worked for months before the movie even began shooting to (re)build the look of Star Wars for Star Wars XXX.
http://www.xcritic.com gave it an AMAZING review:
Content: 5 Stars
Video: 5 Stars
Audio: 5 Stars
Extras: not yet avail (review copy)
Replay: 5 Stars
Overall: 5 Stars
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody is perhaps the mother of all porn parodies. Clearly one of the most expensive and extensive parodies to date.
The movie starts out exactly as the classic Star Wars movie does, with scrolling type and everything. The first point you know that you’re watching a porn parody is when we see that the Stormtroopers are actually ‘sexy Stormtroopers”. The amazing thing is that when Darth Vader walks in (that’s me!) they play the ‘Imperial March’. I’m sure there’s a note or two different there, but it’s pretty spot on.
At first the film feels like a full blown parody, the first few minutes feel more like Airplane meets Star Wars than a porn.
Sex Scene 1: Princess Leia Blows Darth Vader (Allie Haze and Lexington Steele)
Ok Star Wars Fans, this is the moment you’ve all been waiting for… (Porn) Princess Leia getting naked on screen. Ok fanboy, you need to put your Star Wars logic on hold. No Princess Leia isn’t blowing her (spoilers!) dad. I mean could that white gal have a dad with a big black cock?!? We think not. But we’re talking Princess Leia here who is played by the ever amazing Allie Haze. Darth Vader is (for the sex scene) Lex Steele and he’s brandishing his trademark monster lightsaber. Leia, er Allie gives some epic head to Darth, er Lex. She gives good reason for Darth to be breathing so heavy. This scene is all oral and simply fantastic. It ends with Darth coming into Leia’s mouth. We can hear the sound of a thousand Star Wars fans busting a nut to this one.
After the sex scene we get a fair bit of narrative. In Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody, C3PO and R2D2 are all digital which works well for R2 but less well for C3PO who is so far the only weak point of the film. His voicing and script are slightly annoying.
Sex Scene 2: Porn Obi Wan Kenobi and Tusken Raider (Tom Byron and Jennifer White)
Who ever decided to cast Tom Byron as Porn Obi Wan Kenobi is a fucking genius. The scene starts out with him saying “You don’t need that weapon… or your clothes.” It’s a hoot. Who knew underneath all those sand people clothes there were hotties. Porn Obi Wan Kenobi shows that he can handle his light saber just as well (if not better) than Porn Darth Vader. In this scene he shows just how much of a ’dirty old man’ he is, using the force not only to perform great oral and vaginal sex but for some great anal. Kudos to Vivid for not going softcore here and including some nice anal. In fact a lot of this scene is Obi Wan giving it to the Tusken Raider gal up the ass. It’s a solid sex scene and it ends with a monster load on the sand gals face. Tom Byron shows yet again he’s a porn Jedi master.
After Obi Wan busts his nut we get a great scene between Porn Luke Skywalker and Porn Obi Wan Kenobi. It’s a great scene and Seth Gamble, the guy who plays Luke is absolutely perfect. Then we’re off to Mos Eisley Cantina, again the music here is an absolute ringer for Star Wars. It’s here that you really get to see how good the production values are on Star Wars: XXX. Porn Obi Wan’s light saber is simply perfect and the porn parody really lines up with the original.
Sex Scene 3 Mos Eisley Cantina Girl / Girl Sex – Kimberly Kane and Aiden Ashley
If you needed proof that there are no small roles in porn, just small asses, then you need to look no further to this girl girl scene. Kimberly Kane who has been the lead in many a great porn parody but here she tackles her role “Cantina Girl” with gusto. The girl/girl scene, like almost everything Kimberly does is extremely active and passionate. We love Kimberly as a brunette but seeing her in dreads was an interesting turn. Aiden Ashley is also quite hot in this scene which leads into the Mos Eisley (Cantina) Orgy.
Sex Scene 4 Mos Eisley Orgy (Rihanna Rimes and Gia Dimarco)
We knew that Mos Eisley’s Cantina was a wild bar but we had no idea that it doubled as a swinger’s bar! Here we get two sets of couples going at it in intergalactic delight. Rihanna Rimes is fantastic in this foursome along with Gia Dimarco. The scene stars off with some great oral but it quickly transitions into full on fucking and swapping. Rihanna stands out with a very active and vocal performance, here again showing that in a huge film with a massive cast even a small role you can make a big impression. This is a great sex scene and while it’s a little off the narrative path it’ll please porn fans who want PORN in their porn parody. The scene also leads to one of the biggest double cum loads we’ve seen in a while. These guys knew that this was going to be a big movie so they brought their ‘A’ game.
If you needed any more proof that Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody was made by a real fan of Star Wars, look no further than the next scene between Han Solo and Greedo where… EVEN IN THE PORN STAR WARS HAN SOLO SHOOTS FIRST.
Sex Scene 5: Wookie Sex!!!! (Eve Laurence and Brandy Aniston)
Ok even we didn’t see this coming. We knew Chewbacca was a player, but dude… Wookie Sex!?! Putting aside the sheer logistics of trying to fuck in a big Wookie suit, this threesome which pits Chewy against two sexy Stormtroopers is actually a hot scene with some great fucking and even anal. This scene again shows that you can have a great sex scene that fits perfectly in the context of a porn parody. It’s really Brandy Aniston who steals this scene and her work on top of the Wookie is fantastic. The scene ends with a double facial and two porn stars who will need to pick fur out of their asses.
After this scene we get a solid amount of narrative that leads us through the rescue of Princess Leia, the death of Obi Wan and the destruction of the Death Star. It’s a nice solid block of movie that has moments that match up so closely with the original it’s hard to believe this is a porn parody!
Scene 6: Luke Skywalker, Princess Leia and Han Solo Threesome (Allie Haze, Seth Gamble and Rocco Reed)
Oh no you didn’t?! Yep here it is, perhaps the most anticipated fantasy movie inspired threesome of all time. Luke, Leia and Han Solo?!! We’re sure at least one Star Wars Fan is going to pass out with excitement over this. Allie does a superb job with Seth and Rocco and delivers another solid sex scene. It’s great that she’s even sporting a tattoo of the logo for the Rebel Alliance!! It’s really Rocco who rules this scene along with Allie, but who ever had any doubts that Han Solo was The Man! The scene ends with both guys blowing their load into Leia’s mouth.
Audio & Video: Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody is shot on HD and the DVD looks and sounds fantastic. Special effects here are extremely solid, perhaps some of the best we’ve ever seen in porn. Vivid clearly spared no expense and left no detail unchecked for this perfect looking and sounding film.
Cast: Allie Haze, Seth Gamble, Rocco Reed, Lexington Steel, Dick Chibbles, Tom Byron, Kimberly Kane, Aiden Ashley, Jennifer White, Gia Dimarco, Chi Chi LaRue, Eve Laurence, Brandy Aniston, Derrick Pierce, Danny Wylde, Bryn Pryor, Tommy Gunn, Andy Appleton, Kylie Ireland, Ryan McLane, Shylar Cobi, Peter O’Tool, Brian Street Team, Tommy Gun, Lizzy London, Jennifer Dark, Riley Richman, Benjamin Airey, Marcus London, Kyle Stone, Joe Spewgemante, Lily Cade, Kris Kelvin, J, Champ, Tommy Pistol, Kris Slater, Nick Danger, Belial and Ryan Driller. Talk about a huge fucking cast!
Director: Axel Bruan
Written By: Axel Braun and Mark Logan
Running Time: 2hrs
Final Thoughts: Axel Braun and Vivid Entertainment brought their A Game for what will invariably be one of the biggest porn parodies ever produced. Braun is clearly a big fan of Star Wars and seems to delight in transforming into a porn parody and does an amazing job of really matching the orignal while still poking fun and cracking jokes along the way. There are some pretty bold aspects to this parody including some music that’s really really close to the original as well as using the Star Wars character names and costumes. But I appreciate Axel Braun’s balls, if you’re going to do a porn parody of one of the biggest movies of all times, go for it. Axel really did.
As with any great porn parody the quality of the sex is as high as the parody. With 6 sex scenes you get a lot of fuck for your buck and a good variety of sex scenes which fit into the narrative and delicious detours. The sex here is top notch and Vivid hasn’t softened it down at all with a solid amount of anal action. The best of the scenes are the orgy in Mos Eisley’s Cantina and the Wookie Sex Scene.
Casting in Star Wars XXX is a massive part of why it works so well: Allie Haze is fantastic as Leia, Tom Byron is amazing as Obi Wan, Rocco Reed a great Han Solo and Seth Gamble is a ringer for Luke Skywalker. The only role which didn’t work was Chi Chi LaRue as C3PO, but with so many amazing performances it’s hard to complain about one role.
Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody has it all. As a parody of Star Wars it’s fun and silly, as a porn there’s enough great sex to enjoy and watch over and over, with production values that are more than top notch. Ultimately this is a Star Wars Fanboy wet dream, a porn fan’s treat and a porn parody fan’s penultima flick. This film plays out scenarios I’m sure even the most rabid fans have never quite imagined. This is a great adult film, a super parody and clearly an XCritic Pick.
Here are some links you may enjoy whilst we were building the sets and in post production:
The Official Star Wars XXX Trailer: http://bit.ly/AdbpGb
Our (Production Design) Behind-the-Scenes Video/Slideshow: http://bit.ly/ihiyJK
The Official Star Wars XXX Movie Poster: http://bit.ly/w8E7jX
Teaser Trailer: http://bit.ly/nNyu3l
Eve Lawrence and Brandy Aniston BTS on set: http://bit.ly/myyxlB #TwoDroidsOverHere
And Finally, the direct link to the review above: http://bit.ly/xGrgnD