So, it’s been a while…

Firstly, let me say a big thank you to everyone that tweeted & ‘facebooked’ pictures of their own festivities during Andyfest 2013 (see previous blog entry if you are scratching your head right now) but please know that it is appreciated that you all consider my small world such a big deal & also that it makes me feel warm inside that Jack Daniels & Bacon is the universal conduit that connects us all.

Anyway, so what’s been happening since AndyFest 2013, you ask?

Well, first off me & Kylie now have our own podcast channel on Soundcloud:

Secondly, (if you haven’t instantly clicked on the link above & then listened to the latest show) we have recently driven to Colorado to watch Kylie’s Mom & Dad get married for the 2nd time (after being divorced for nearly 30 years)

And Finally (or thirdly) we have just wrapped Man of Steel XXX & Wonder Woman XXX for Axel Braun & are now deep in pre-production for Cowboys & Engines starring non other than Malcolm McDowell, Walter Koenig & Richard Hatch.

So, we’ve been quite busy as you imagine (hence the 3 week gap in my blog entry type stuff) & i really have nothing to say, apart from that me & Kylie now literally live at Home Depot & that constructing a steam punk world that includes a Zeppelin, a metal steam-powered horse & other various weird & wonderful alternate reality things now consume my existence… damn you Kickstarter, damn you & your succesful fund-raising ways!

….and on that note I must bid you all farewell, I just wish that i had pictures to post for you, but unfortunately I don’t… well ok, (if i am being honest) i actually have loads, but follow me on Instagram instead (www.instagram.com/theandyappleton) & it will alleviate the pain of me having to upload them here instead after i get home from another 18 hour day of art direction hell!

In short, don’t go changing, look after Mom & know that I love you all…

Andy

(PS: “Love you all” only applies to hot chicks with great Bjangos)

(PPS: If for some reason instagram is being weird & taking you to your home page, work out how to find me!)

For those of you who have been living under a rock (or in France) for the past 3 years, here’s the yearly recap of Andyfest ©

 ■What is Andyfest © ?

AndyFest © is a weeklong celebration commemorating the birth of the greatest human being in the history of Universe AND his union with the greatest woman… in the history of Universe.

■When is AndyFest©?

It runs from April 10th (12am) to April 17th (11.59pm)

 ■Who takes part in Andyfest © ?

Everybody* on Earth. *(except dull cunts, eggvatars, fucktards & Vegans)

 ■When did AndyFest © first start?

Archeologists say Andyfest© dates back to the Jurassic period & that the mass extinction of the dinosaurs was actually just a REALLY bad hangover that the dinosaurs couldn’t recovered from. Religious scholars state that the Pagan celebration of Spring was actually the first one & that the term “Sun God” is just the ancient phrase meaning  AndyFest ©…but with the birth of modern science & theology, in recent times the idea is believed to have come from the mind of Porn Legend Kylie Ireland who thought it only appropriate that 2 such monumental events as the birth of the world’s greatest human & his union with the greatest pair of tits in the universe should simply consist of a week of celebration & joy… by which she meant unadulterated debauchery & rampant filth.

■Who Invented the term AndyFest ©?

Despite several mentions in various religious writings such as the Bible, the Koran & the first edition of the Ikea catalogue (who coincidentally mentioned a chest of draws called AnydFøst) it was actually Porn actress Amber Rayne who first coined the phrase AndyFest © during a conversation with Kylie Ireland back in 2010, the name was an instant success.

■What happens during AndyFest ©?

Basically anything,  AndyFest © is a worldwide event that includes all things fun, so let your minds & bodies run wild… guilt or shame don’t apply during AndyFest © * *(certain restrictions may apply, see rules for details)

■Is there anything else I need to know about AndyFest ©?

Yes… and No! Whilst AndyFest © is open to one and all and there aren’t any rules of conduct during AndyFest © but please ensure you read the rules of conduct during AndyFest ©

And so there you have it, the complete history of Andyfest © in a nutshell… so without further ado (& in order to maximize your enjoyment of Andyfest ©) here are the rules of conduct for AndyFest © 2013 …enjoy your week, look after Mum, drive safely & don’t go changing.

————–

THE RULES OF CONDUCT

1. Jack Daniels is your weapon of choice, your local Liquor store or nightclub/bar will give it to you for free during AndyFest © …if they don’t, please feel free to smash the place up.

2. FREE SEX FOR ALL. That’s right, no one can say no during AndyFest ©… so ensure you carry a supply of paper bags with you just in case you need them for… let’s just say ’unfortunate’ looking people.

3. If you get arrested during Andyfest © simply tell the police that you are celebrating  AndyFest© ….not only will you get off scott free but the police are obliged to give you a lift home, a written letter of apology & a Kebab.

4. Men are NOT allowed to wear skinny Jeans during AndyFest ©. If you see someone breaking this rule, you are allowed to punch them in the face until your arm hurts, then the offending ‘girly boy’ must give you $10 (or property to the value of!) for every punch you landed.

5. You have to be nice* Being nice should be a staple diet of everyone’s daily routine, but during Andyfest © you simply have ignore Fucktards, after all they are missing out on this GREAT holiday & lot’s of free sex & booze… so fuck em.  *(Oh, this doesn’t apply to rule 4 btw)

6. Yet another perk of AndyFest © is that you don’t have to go to work. If your boss argues with you or tells you there is no such holiday of AndyFest © simply use a drug like Chloroform (or similar) and place them in your trunk of your car for a week. Ensure you let them out before 11.59pm on the 17th to qualify for rule 3.

7. If you are French you have to wear a yellow T-shirt with the slogan ’Surrender Monkey’ on it OR ‘Horse Meat & Garlic please, it’s le nom nom’

8. Your Local Aston Martin/Ferrari & Porsche Dealer will lend you any car of your choice for the entire duration on AndyFest ©  If they think you have gone crazy, don’t worry just take one for a test drive & then keep it for 7 days & utilize rule 3 to your full advantage.

9. Bacon is free & even though the cheese sandwich is the official meal of Andyfest © please feel free to stock up for the year… cause there is no such thing as too much Bacon.

10. Be safe! AndyFest © can be a hazardous time, and seeing as you don’t wanna go crashing your Aston Martin, dropping your Bacon & cheese sandwich or catching any weird diseases, ensure you get your multi-purpose AndyFest © seatbelt/bib condom…. available now from all good retailers!

AND THAT’S it… please remember to tweet in your AndyFest © pics to www.twitter.com/theandyappleton.

The best one will get a retweet …probably, I dunno, I’m gonna be kneedeep in Jack Daniels/Bacon/cheese & huge tits so I might forget stuff … but eitherway have a great time.

Andy

PS: And don’t forget the official Hashtag for AndyFest2013 © “#MichaelWeinsteinIsaCunt”