Over the past couple of weeks me & my friend Janice have been building a lego death star… yes lego! Anyway, long story short it’s finished… all 4000 pieces of it!! The thing is HUGE & totally amazing, so a big thanks & kisses to Heidi for getting it for me, it is going pride of place, err… somewhere… somewhere Huge!
Rose
My lovely wife had the truly wonderful Janey Hamilton (former porn legend Veronica Hart) on her radio show last weekend & (as always) they discussed many things about life, love,sex & the world in general, one of topics mentioned was the fact that Janey now produces mainstream movies & that her Latest venture is a Zombie flick called ‘Rose’ …which is basically, a goretastic, sure to be a cult hit zombiefest. Oh… and the twist!?? The heroine of the movie is a complete basket case who’s escaped from a mental institution!!!
Anyway, Janey mentioned they were looking for a tall Zombie… so Guess what i got ‘roped’ into? (C’mon, seriously… who DOESN’T wanna be in a zombie movie? …I LOVED IT!)
Star Wars XXX meets Bizarre Mag
So this is Novembers issue of Bizarre Mag, it features a GREAT article about thier visit to the Star Wars XXX set… and here it is! Bizarre Mag is out now in the UK so run & grab a copy, err, i have no idea how you get it over here in the states!
On behalf of her Majesty
Hi everyone,
Just thought i’d let you know about an Email i recieved from Queen Elizabeth II earlier today, she asked me (seeing as i have such a popular blog) to pass on this message… enjoy!
Andy
________________________________________________________________________________
To the citizens of the United States of America from Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II:
In light of your immediate failure to financially manage yourselves and also in recent years your tendency to elect incompetent Presidents of the USA and therefore not able to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective immediately. (You should look up ‘revocation’ in the Oxford English Dictionary.)
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths, and territories (except Kansas, which she does not fancy).
Your new Prime Minister, David Cameron, will appoint a Governor for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated sometime next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. The letter ‘U’ will be reinstated in words such as ‘colour,’ ‘favour,’ ‘labour’ and ‘neighbour.’ Likewise, you will learn to spell ‘doughnut’ without skipping half the letters, and the suffix ‘-ize’ will be replaced by the suffix ‘-ise.’ Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. (look up ‘vocabulary’).
2. Using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with filler noises such as ”like’ and ‘you know’ is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. There is no such thing as U.S. English. We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take into account the reinstated letter ‘u”and the elimination of ‘-ize.’
3. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday.
4. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers, or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you’re not quite ready to be independent. Guns should only be used for shooting grouse. If you can’t sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you’re not ready to shoot grouse.
5. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous than a vegetable peeler. Although a permit will be required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
6. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will start driving on the left side with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.
7. The former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been calling gasoline) of roughly $10/US gallon… Get used to it.
8. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar.
9. The cold, tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as Lager. New Zealand beer is also acceptable, as New Zealand is pound for pound the greatest sporting nation on earth and it can only be due to the beer. They are also part of the British Commonwealth – see what it did for them. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen Gnat’s Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion.
10. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as good guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play English characters. Watching Andie Macdowell attempt English dialogue in Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one’s ears removed with a cheese grater.
11. You will cease playing American football. There are only two kinds of proper football; one you call soccer, and rugby (dominated by the New Zealanders). Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies).
12. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. You will learn cricket, and we will let you face the Australians (World dominators) first to take the sting out of their deliveries.
13. You must tell us who killed JFK. It’s been driving us mad.
14. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty’s Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all monies due (backdated to 1776).
15. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4p.m. with proper cups, with saucers, and never mugs, with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; plus strawberries (with cream) when in season.
God Save the Queen!
PS: This letter is intended for those of you who have a good sense of humour (NOT humor)!
My First Art Bio!
This is my first artist Bio page from Maximillian Gallery, who represent me for all my art… and what a great job they have been doing so far. Oh, & if you want to see more & possibly buy my art then you should check out the details here: http://bit.ly/r64vjt
About The Artist:
Andy Appleton started sketching as a child, roughly the same time after he received his first comic book, he hasn’t stopped since. Andy isn’t philosophical about his art; he isn’t political about it either, he doesn’t claim his work contains hidden meanings… he creates things that are cool to look at.
The greatest compliment Andy ever received was when, at his first art show, thieves broke in & stole all his work after only the first night.
Andy’s work is heavily influenced by graphic novels, cartoons, graffiti & “Whatever he likes the look of” …he doesn’t tend to talk about modern art much, it makes his head hurt.
Andy is now 39 years of age, you can find his art on street corners, body parts & living room walls.
Andy’s Mission statement:
Art is subjective, Cool tends to be universal.
( This article was used by permission of Maximillian Gallery, view thier site here: http://bit.ly/nsFw4y )
New art!
Just a quick post to inform you of what the hell I’ve been doing since the last post… err, basically I’ve been doing art!
Yes, art & art & some more art… why you ask? Because the gallery show went so well (I sold 5 pieces btw!) that Maximillian Gallery decided to extend it & therefore both me & Kylie had to replace it with new stuff!
So, here it is, a random selection of the afore mentioned new stuff, of which one piece has already sold (so, that makes 6!)
Anyway, I hope you like em & I promise (as ever) to continue the story of me & Kylie very soon PLUS give you updates on movies we are working on & the anticipated release date of Star Wars XXX….
Andy
Exxxotica Los Angeles 2011
So, me & the missus went over to Exxxotica last week to set up the Landspeeder for Vivid at their booth before the annual smut fest that is Exxotica began. It was a sad day for us as it was the last day we would see the speeder in it’s full glory, rumour has it that she will be sold at a fan auction & seeing as this baby took us 3 weeks to build from scratch… we decided to take it for a last spin!
Anyway, this was then followed by me, as Darth Vader, making a personal appearance with Allie Haze (Leia) & Aiden Ashley (Sexy stormtrooper)… which was to be fair, alot of fun despite sweating my bollocks off for 4 hours & posing for a million photos!
As a side note, i must thank Allie & Aiden who looked after me (as i am nearly blind & deaf in the costume) for most of the day & keeping me fed/watered & preventing me from passing out… thanks girls!
And that was that, a succesful day of promoting Star Wars XXX was had by all & the Landspeeder was a smash hit… I am currently scouring the web for pics of the day, here are a couple that i have found so far & don’t forget to keep checking back on my blog for details of the EXACT release date for what will be the greatest porn film of all time!
Andy
Our FIRST joint gallery
What a great night, me & Kylie (aka DeeKay) did our first joint street art gallery showing at the Sunset Marquis in West Hollywood tonight, along with some of the best graffiti artists/street artists & photographers on the planet today…
Not only that but some of our good friends also came down to support us, so a big thanks must go to Trina, Mary & John, Dia & Adam, Zoe Voss & Bryn…. thankyou, thankyou, thankyou.
Anyway, here are some pics of the show & some of the art we did, remember the show runs until September 7th, so if you are in town you should definatley check it out…
How do I summarize part 18
It’s been SOOO long since I have written this part of the blog that I had to read the last few parts of the story & then sit down with Kylie to try & work out what happened next… I mean, I KNOW what happened next but it’s how to write it all down in the correct order so that it makes sense, I cannot make any promises… but this is roughly it.
(As previously mentioned) I arrived back in the UK, got the train to my buddy Mick’s house & then got completley slaughtered as I regaled stories of our time in London, it was GREAT to talk about it but also very sad, I missed Kylie SOOO much & I still had some really insecure moments of doubt about our future (Hind sight is a wonderful thing, I knew nothing would go wrong but hey… I’m Human & insecurity is a BITCH!!)
Eventually (after 14 hours, give or take) Kylie landed in Los Angeles & my phone lit up… JOY, she still loves me, it was just a quick message saying she had landed/flight details etc… that she missed me and after she had slept and caught up with a few things we would Skype and the process of me going to see her would commence. Things WERE real …real scary, I had to go home at some point and tell the family what i had ACTUALLY been doing in London and that the most attractive and popular member of the family (gimme a break, I am writing this from my point of view) would soon be leaving to start a new life in Los Angeles.
SO more time past and then some more… and so I drank some more, infact I spent 2 days at Micks… 2 days drinking, enjoying time with friends and basically waiting around for time to Skype. And then Skype came, Kylie was sat in bed, recovering from Jet Lag with my hat on… she looked beautiful, she always looks beautiful, how on earth anyone looks that beautiful after a 14 hour flight and then 6 hours sleep is beyond me but hey… I’m not complaining, Kylie is the most stunning woman I’ve ever seen, so GO team Andy, don’t hate me… just know that I am lucky (and thankful for it!)
We talked about how hard it was to wake up alone, we talked about how hard it was to be apart, we talked about me coming over in 4 weeks & as we chatted online we looked for flights & she began to scour the internet for places to live (she was living at her downtown studio, which was great but she din’t want us to start our new life around porn sets) …so she was looking for alternatives.
As I have often said in this story, Skyping is great but also very hard, I SOO wanted to reach through the screen and grab her, I could smell her on me when we talked, even though we were so far away, it kept my sanity intact knowing that I could see her whenever I needed her…
Anyway, after a few hours of chatting she had to start her day, remember the time difference, she was 8 hours behind me so when she was getting up, my day was drawing to a close & I had stuff to do, I had stuff to sell… I had a car I wasn’t gonna need & belongings to gather & organise… I had to go home.
After eating (and drinking) Mick out of house & home for 2 days, he very graciously took me to see my Dad.
Sidenote: I had recently moved out of a very nice apartment that was FAR too expensive (and complicated) to live in a few months previous to meeting Kylie & therefore was staying with my Dad.
OK, so let’s talk about my Dad for a second for he really is one of a kind. He is 71 years old, self made, a widow, father of two ungrateful & rather selfish children, a cornerstone for his family & friends & without doubt one of the most emotionally strong & worldy wize people I have ever known… we are SOOOO alike in SOOOO many ways and yet we differ SOOO much, if i had a Dollar for every scrape he pulled me out of, or for every time I needed his advice or strength of Character I would be a rich man. We are close without actually being close, I have built, destroyed, changed direction & rebuilt my life so many times I am suprised that he hasn’t disowned me a million times and yet he is always been there, he has never once questioned me or judged me, he has always supported every decision, encouraged me and I have always known that I can come knocking on his door without needing forgiveness for some of the ridiculous thing I have done with my life… but I am about to tell him I am leaving forever… to move to Los Angeles… to be with (what he might only see as) a porn star… this one might test his patience!
I arrived home with the typical Dad greeting “Oh, I wondered where you were’ & ‘What trouble have you found this time?’ …so I told him! He didn’t bat an eyelid, he didn’t seem suprised, he actually seemed quite excited (although maybe the prospect of me being on the other side of the planet was a bit of a bonus!) but eitherway, we talked about what I had done, I told him about how much i was in love and he seemed genuinely pleased that I finally might have found my place in the world and someone to share it with. It was a little surreal, it was little wierd… it was typical Dad, always encouraging, non judgemental & a few jokey insults thrown in about what my life was like and how I should live it, the fact that I was moving to the states didn’t seem to surprize him at all, infact he thought it was where I should be as he never thought i fitted in in England and was always puzzled as to why I stayed in a systen that encouraged such formality & accepted ‘towing the line’ as life options, it was a great conversation. My Dad is simply awesome & along with my sister he is the only person I truly miss.
That being said (and trying to move the story on from the Mushy stuff) the day was Sunday, Kylie had landed 2 days previously and we needed to Skype as she had emailed me various houses & apartments she had found PLUS we needed to arrange dates for my arrival as we both had LOADS of info on flights etc.
And that’s it for part 18, in the next part I will tell you about house hunting via Skype, when we booked the tickets & my eventual arrival in the states (and how the time scales changed!)
As ever, thanks for reading…
Andy
More from The Avengers & Ironman XXX
Here it is folks LIVE (at the time I wrote this blog!) action from the Avengers XXX …AND some shots from the set of Iron man XXX from the other day, as you can tell from the slideshow this is a who’s who of porn & is gonna be one HELL of a great movie.
Enjoy…
The Andy Appleton 