It’s the end of the day, nothing to see here….

Just been eBaying some more of Kylie’s stuff, she has been filling her orders for her store and Ben (photographer downstairs) is playing his guitar, so all is good and feeling very chilled….

So, what else? Err… made Kylie & salad for dinner, followed by Steak & Brocholi (which I must check on how to spell!) I also couldn’t edit the podcast due to a technical issue so it looks like I won’t be able to do it before Miami.

Oh, we are going to Miami for Exxxotica on Thursday, Kylie has yet to pack, so that’s what she will be doing tomorrow, no doubt I will spend most of the day trying not to rape her as she does!

And that is pretty much it, was gonna give her a good bumming earlier but you know, sometimes shit gets in the way (you see what I did there!!) But we are looking good for landing now so I am gonna say goodnight, don’t go changing, look after mum & drive safely!

Till tomorrow then…

Andy

PS and how many times did I use the word ‘SO’ in this blog!

Just back from Kylies hairdressing type scenario… I would mention the trip home but it would be bragging too much! All I will say is that the guy who bought the panties Kylie is wearing should send me a thankyou note!

Anyway, according to a few emails I have got today, I am apparently the last one in on the Canadian make up dude jokes (or sugar shorts, or gay dude in prelude.. ..there are too many punchlines to write!) SO, Damn it.. from now on, I want updates PRIOR to any hilarity or piss taking!!!

Meanwhile, I have bad things to do to Kylie…..

Andy

PS No seriously, I want updates PRIOR!

OK, so I have the theme tune to Stingray in my head this morning, don’t know why!!! but it lead to a conversation with Kylie about cross eyed people which lead to another lesson is english slang!!!

Todays lesson was ”she had a scen like a basket of welks”….. which basically is some one who is really crossed eyed!

Kylie loves my englishness (is that a word?) but sometimes it baffles her, eitherway its always fun to se her face when i say something surreal!

Moving on….. On todays agenda is filling orders for Kylie’s store, haircut type stuff, a few phone calls about Miami & then editing the podcast….

Meanwhile, Kylie is much better, last nights headache turned into a migraine but she is up and about & twittering about welks, so she is fine now!

Finally, Kylie commented on part 7 last night, she is a big cutie (I call her nom nom) I love her so much especally when she starts bing cute!…. as an aside, we also had a chat about being selfish with each other which i must blog about (huge subject), we have decided (ages ago actually) to be selfish with each other (well c’mon, who would wanna share me!!)

Will discuss later, I am hungry, back soon

Andy

Hi everybody,

I have had a few emails today from people asking ”who the hell are you , you spawny bastard?” SO to answer that saliant point I though I would put a quick bio which I have imaginatively titled ”About me”….

Andy was born in 1972 in Ipswich. It was a difficult birth as his mother was 200 miles away at the time.

Andy was fat, cheese loving child who liked to draw & obsese about Star Wars, he once set fire to a neighbour by accident.

Some time later Andy went to study every type of cheese including Stilton & Edam at the Blackburn University of Cheese, he immediatley fell in love with the town, however, this was a time when marriages between man and town were frowned upon, so rather than risk public derision, Andy decided to just live there instead.

After dropping out of University & despite stealing most of his father’s money Andy didn’t have two pennies to rub together, which was a shame as it was his only way of keeping warm, so he began to perform disco music in bars and clubs around town and even gave occasional rave type shows.

In 1991 he was asked by Maltese people to put together a disco show for Mediteranean types (because their first choice, 80’s Pop sensation Debbie Gibson had turned out to be a shit DJ).

Two years later, Xmas 93, at ten in the evening, Andy and his imaginary friends realised he needed fish & Chips so he returned to England…It was raining!

Later on some years, roughly about Easter, Andy quite literally stepped out of  his DJ Box and picked up the front door keys to disco land and was an immediate success, it gained Andy a cool, underground kudos which he described as “not nearly enough”.

As a General Manager he toured the entire country, then after a while, just before dinner time, there was some Area Manager type stuff, then a brief spell in prison for illegal cheese laundering.

In 2006 Andy caused an international furore with the ”I’m not doing this fucking shit anymore” speech so he quit the world of Neon, lights & Neon lights. This secured his notoriety with the public (plus he had a big house in Chorley). “Blackburn can shove itself”, he said.

The movie management thing then followed soon after, which was the first job where Andy’s intelligence and charisma could be expressed. Andy said of  his career so far, “By now I was internationaly famous and could pretty much buy whatever & whoever I wanted”

So Andy bought a bag of pickled onion monster munch, hooked up with a brazen strumpet and then moved to LA…….

Andy is now semi-retired and is very rarely seen, only now and again popping up on Porn sets or in Mexican restaurants.

He mainly spends his time doing his wife  ‘who is a brazen strumpet of the first order and really loves it up her’.

On his last official tour of duty Andy was quoted to have said ”No seriously, she loves it up her, she’s a complete whore”.

Andy is 38, he still doesn’t give a fuck!

Ok, it took so long to finish the part 7  that Kylie came back only 30 mins after I finished it, (she read it whilst at the doctors & so she came home all loved up…) 

We also had superhero porn guy here today (filming supehero porn!) …what a nice fella, so Me & Kylie watched wonder woman get molested by a bunch of girl super villians whilst we had some food (just a day in the life….!)

Eventually, we went for a nap and then ended up talking for hours, about us, love, life & our future….we just keep losing time in ourselves (we didn’t have dinner until 10.30pm!)

The funniest bit of the day was the hapless twitter messages from some chubby canadian geezer (who has a fondness for highlights & wearing makeup!) who attempted to bang Kylie a couple of times (bless him!) anyway, he still carries a torch for her and is blissfully unaware he is seen as a bit of fool, she is politely trying to let him down but he lives in a bit of a ”I wanna be somebody” world and isn’t getting the message, even though I am a bit embarrased for him, it IS funny to read!!!

Some people just dont get it…..

Anyway, that me done, Kylie is in bed, she has a headache, Dr. Andy to the rescue!

Andy

Morning all,

Just awoke to a lovely day in California, Kylie is in the shower & I am gonna go & make breakfast then start on part 7…..

So far tody nothing to report, I have just checked the stats on the blog, WOW can’t believe how many of you are reading this, it’s awesome, cheers =)

Back soon

Andy

So I was taking some photos of Kylie for her fans, she was wearing ”Ho heals” and when you are 6ft 4 this makes easy access for fucking whilst standing up!!

..and seeing as I already had a camera in my hand and err… the tall mirror was just, well stood there, I thought fuck it, instant homemade porn with my very own pornstar!!!

Life is grand (and I now love Mirrors!)  

Night everyone… and sleep!

Andy

Super dooper… what a great response to the blog part 7 preview, thanks to everybody that tweeted/retweeted or commented, glad you enjoyed it!

Anyway, tomorrow I will start part 7…. The london trip, can’t wait to tell you all about it. Meanwhile, todays antics finally saw me & Kylie do a podcast, it was around 2 hours and was a hell of a lot of fun, all I have to do now is edit it & get it posted, should be up around Wednesday if we don’t encounter problems (fingers crossed).

SO all there is left to do tonight is Kylie’s polaroids (for her fans) & then bang the fuck out of her ass….

So goodnight then, I hope you are all having a lot of fun wherever you may be!

Andy

Ok, before I get to part 7 (which is us meeting in London) I need to explain a couple of things:

1. We decided to write a book about the adventure & update it daily.

2. We had alot of disgusting, no warped… errr no, well if I am being honest I don’t know what to called it, Sex isn’t it & Fucking just doesn’t cover it, it was something else, definately wrong, probably illegal but that’s not what I’m getting at, the whole point of me telling you this is that when I get to the story if you are related to me (or have a heart condition!) DO NOT read part 7, seriously dont read it, it is fucked up!!…. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Anyway, I was chatting with Kylie today (as we read the book) & we decided (seeing as part 7 will be so big) that maybe we should break you in slowly & do a whole blog of quotes from the 2 weeks we were together (which I probably couldn’t fit in to the story) but are SO funny to read, it’s a shame to ignore them: So sit back & enjoy Part 7… the preview!

Kylie ”If you have complaints… you can just…err Fuckoff”

Kylie ”My ass is being persnickety”

Kylie ”How’s the legend the morning after the night before?”  Andy ”How can I summerize THAT !!”

Andy ”Do you remember when I first walked into the room? ” Kylie ”yes” Andy ”err.. wasn’t it great!”

Kylie ”Your hands aren’t THAT big.. I got em in!”

Andy ”You sick fucker.. How dare you just wake me up & think you can just fuck me!”

Kylie ”You were talking about fucking with the thing…. and fuck off!”

Kylie ”Even I am quite impressed with my cock swallowing skills”

Kylie ”Have you ever tried twittering with a cock up your ass?”

Andy ”Women have always treated me like some kind of sex experiment”

Kylie ”I’m 10lbs of tits”

Kylie ‘‘fuckupidness”

Andy ”It’s like having a Ferrari.. AND a chauffeur”

Andy ”I’m the Harry Potter of the sex world”

Kylie ”I need to go home, jump out of an aeroplane, have a massage & come back to you”

Kylie ” I can’t remember what the cat being thrown against  wall sounds like… I think it’s Phdump!”

Kylie ”We took lots of photos in the park today, including blue dogs & fancy ducks”

Andy ”I now have new sex things”

Kylie ”Don’t ever fall in love with the clever chicks”

Andy ” I love you because.. errr I always have!”

Andy ”I have been hiding in the bushes for 24 years undergoing facial reconstruction by family of plastic surgeon caterpilars”

Kylie ”Phwomp”

Kylie ”what do you mean we have nothing to do? We have walks to go on, swans to feed, photos to take… and a knife to buy!”

Kylie (doing impression of a cat being thrown against a cow) ”Rearrw, Phwomp….mooo!”

Andy ”Its a vanilla cheesecake Kiss”

Andy ”Sorry, I was just washing the sugar off my cock”

Kylie ”What’s the point of having your very own porn star if you are not going to dress her up and play with her?”

Kylie ”Will you pass me a bottle of water from the bag of death?”

Kylie ”Ack!! we are wedged”

Andy ”Shall we stay inside where the 4D people are… the extra D stands for depth!”

Kylie ”If I have a virus, you put it there”

Andy ”This room is pimp, we have dildos, lube & big wads of cash, all we need now is guns and drugs…. we do however have Cheesy Wotsits & Brioche’

Kylie ”Andrew is a man of many adjectives”

Kylie ”This is the most disgusting relationship of all time”

Kylie ”I mean, you can have total control of your tail, so you can just wrap it around something and squeeze”

Kylie ”You have broken me!”

Andy ”I would love you if you were just stump neck!”

Kylie ”Just how much do I love this man?”

Kylie ”you are a 3 cock adventure”

Andy ”You came like a banshee!’

Hi everyone

Just got up, eBay has gone crazy, blog going crazy… got to do podcast today so I am mega busy (haven’t even had sex busy!!!)… will blog in a bit!

Peace out!

Andy