I’m Back

Just back from Kylies hairdressing type scenario… I would mention the trip home but it would be bragging too much! All I will say is that the guy who bought the panties Kylie is wearing should send me a thankyou note!

Anyway, according to a few emails I have got today, I am apparently the last one in on the Canadian make up dude jokes (or sugar shorts, or gay dude in prelude.. ..there are too many punchlines to write!) SO, Damn it.. from now on, I want updates PRIOR to any hilarity or piss taking!!!

Meanwhile, I have bad things to do to Kylie…..

Andy

PS No seriously, I want updates PRIOR!

How do I summarize part 8

Well, part 7 took me ages because it was just so massive, therfore part 8 won’t be so long….. after a 10 hours emotional sex epic, we needed sleep!

So, we are still in bed watching the world go by, the conversation we were having was just incredible, even though we had been talking for weeks & we knew each other inside & out, obviously we were so full of emotion we both wouldn’t shut up!

We talked about the journey we had both taken to get there, how we felt when we met, how we felt whilst we were having sex, how we felt at that moment (we already knew but we just wanted to talk about it!) but mainly we talked about our connection and how we were now both SO convinced (and a bit relieved) that it was real…..

Again we lost time, when one of us decided we needed food, we hadn’t eaten in hours & our stomachs were growling that much it was starting to drown us out, so we threw on some clothes & headed out into the world to find a cafe.

It was mind blowing walking around London in the daylight, we held hands, we cuddled, we stared at each other (Kylie kept poking me & saying ‘are you real’) infact we just kept walking around the block chatting forgetting the purpose of what we were there for (I have never smiled so much ever, my jaw was killing me)…. we eventually found a cafe & went for something to eat.

As we were sat in the cafe we just couldn’t stop talking, she looked stunning (fucked & so beautiful) and seriously, we just didn’t stop telling each other how we felt, the waitress came back about 3 times because we didn’t even look at the menu ( I have no idea what we ate, I thing she had crepes!) and yet again we talked… we talked, we talked, both of us trying to comprehend the enormity of what just happened, our journey and how we felt.

After food the conversation started to change, errr.. it got dirty, then filthy, then disgusting, then we were heading back to our hotel to start all over again (at this point we should be winning awards…. here comes round 2!)

SO we are back at the hotel, we were naked in seconds & we were deep into everything disgusting we could think of (and we thought of alot, infact we wrote a list!) God damn we were tired but it didn’t stop us, we were tearing into each other yet again only stopping to say I fucking love you (or some kind of warped instruction!)

After about an hour or so (more lost time) we were lying there exhausted, again holding each other & falling even deeper in love…  the world slipped away, we fell asleep in each others arms, content, together & finally complete.

I woke up, it was dark, we had been asleep all day, we hadn’t moved, we were lying in exactly the same position, she was cuddled up in my arms (just to clarify I am 6ft 4, I had her scooped up and it was almost like she was buried inside me) she opened her eyes and smiled at me….. wow, I fucking love this woman.

We led there for a while talking (do you see a running theme!) and so we thought we should go to the store (there was a Sainsburys across the street) and get provisons as it was obvious we were going to be up all night (again!), whilst at the store we also bought a book, a big book & some pens, we had to document this, these moments had to be written down, we had started our journey for real and we didn’t wanna forget a single second (that same book is full, we filled it over the next 2 weeks, its sat next to me as I type, the best idea ever, you should all do it!)……

We got back to the hotel room and ate (there was alot of cheese!) we also took some photos of London at night …..and then we fucked, we fucked and then we err.. fucked, it was even crazier than the night before, we did stuff that neither of us had done (and thats saying something!) we also wrote a huge list in the book of what we needed to do (and we did them all, we even added more to it later over the next 2 weeks, just wait till i get to the knife incident!) so basically we stayed up all night having sex until the sun came up….. (see running theme number 2!)

And that is part 8, in part 9 we move hotels to Kensington, we have adventures in parks & so much more (apart from disgusting sex & filthy love!)

Will try to get it done tomorrow, attached are some photos from day 2.

Andy

Stingray!

OK, so I have the theme tune to Stingray in my head this morning, don’t know why!!! but it lead to a conversation with Kylie about cross eyed people which lead to another lesson is english slang!!!

Todays lesson was ”she had a scen like a basket of welks”….. which basically is some one who is really crossed eyed!

Kylie loves my englishness (is that a word?) but sometimes it baffles her, eitherway its always fun to se her face when i say something surreal!

Moving on….. On todays agenda is filling orders for Kylie’s store, haircut type stuff, a few phone calls about Miami & then editing the podcast….

Meanwhile, Kylie is much better, last nights headache turned into a migraine but she is up and about & twittering about welks, so she is fine now!

Finally, Kylie commented on part 7 last night, she is a big cutie (I call her nom nom) I love her so much especally when she starts bing cute!…. as an aside, we also had a chat about being selfish with each other which i must blog about (huge subject), we have decided (ages ago actually) to be selfish with each other (well c’mon, who would wanna share me!!)

Will discuss later, I am hungry, back soon

Andy

About me:

Hi everybody,

I have had a few emails today from people asking ”who the hell are you , you spawny bastard?” SO to answer that saliant point I though I would put a quick bio which I have imaginatively titled ”About me”….

Andy was born in 1972 in Ipswich. It was a difficult birth as his mother was 200 miles away at the time.

Andy was fat, cheese loving child who liked to draw & obsese about Star Wars, he once set fire to a neighbour by accident.

Some time later Andy went to study every type of cheese including Stilton & Edam at the Blackburn University of Cheese, he immediatley fell in love with the town, however, this was a time when marriages between man and town were frowned upon, so rather than risk public derision, Andy decided to just live there instead.

After dropping out of University & despite stealing most of his father’s money Andy didn’t have two pennies to rub together, which was a shame as it was his only way of keeping warm, so he began to perform disco music in bars and clubs around town and even gave occasional rave type shows.

In 1991 he was asked by Maltese people to put together a disco show for Mediteranean types (because their first choice, 80’s Pop sensation Debbie Gibson had turned out to be a shit DJ).

Two years later, Xmas 93, at ten in the evening, Andy and his imaginary friends realised he needed fish & Chips so he returned to England…It was raining!

Later on some years, roughly about Easter, Andy quite literally stepped out of  his DJ Box and picked up the front door keys to disco land and was an immediate success, it gained Andy a cool, underground kudos which he described as “not nearly enough”.

As a General Manager he toured the entire country, then after a while, just before dinner time, there was some Area Manager type stuff, then a brief spell in prison for illegal cheese laundering.

In 2006 Andy caused an international furore with the ”I’m not doing this fucking shit anymore” speech so he quit the world of Neon, lights & Neon lights. This secured his notoriety with the public (plus he had a big house in Chorley). “Blackburn can shove itself”, he said.

The movie management thing then followed soon after, which was the first job where Andy’s intelligence and charisma could be expressed. Andy said of  his career so far, “By now I was internationaly famous and could pretty much buy whatever & whoever I wanted”

So Andy bought a bag of pickled onion monster munch, hooked up with a brazen strumpet and then moved to LA…….

Andy is now semi-retired and is very rarely seen, only now and again popping up on Porn sets or in Mexican restaurants.

He mainly spends his time doing his wife  ‘who is a brazen strumpet of the first order and really loves it up her’.

On his last official tour of duty Andy was quoted to have said ”No seriously, she loves it up her, she’s a complete whore”.

Andy is 38, he still doesn’t give a fuck!

The end of another day…

Ok, it took so long to finish the part 7  that Kylie came back only 30 mins after I finished it, (she read it whilst at the doctors & so she came home all loved up…) 

We also had superhero porn guy here today (filming supehero porn!) …what a nice fella, so Me & Kylie watched wonder woman get molested by a bunch of girl super villians whilst we had some food (just a day in the life….!)

Eventually, we went for a nap and then ended up talking for hours, about us, love, life & our future….we just keep losing time in ourselves (we didn’t have dinner until 10.30pm!)

The funniest bit of the day was the hapless twitter messages from some chubby canadian geezer (who has a fondness for highlights & wearing makeup!) who attempted to bang Kylie a couple of times (bless him!) anyway, he still carries a torch for her and is blissfully unaware he is seen as a bit of fool, she is politely trying to let him down but he lives in a bit of a ”I wanna be somebody” world and isn’t getting the message, even though I am a bit embarrased for him, it IS funny to read!!!

Some people just dont get it…..

Anyway, that me done, Kylie is in bed, she has a headache, Dr. Andy to the rescue!

Andy

How do I summarize part 7….

SO I am at the train station in Southampton, an hour away… a fucking hour away from Kylie, I think I am stuck in an alternate reality, can this all be real? Can we really be this in love? After a couple of months we are ONLY JUST about to meet!…. How can that be?

BUT IT WAS REAL, my heart was telling me it was real, my mind was full of every word we have said to each other, I could feel her… I know how that sounds but I could feel her!!!!

SO I get on the train, I have my iPod on & am listening to ”our soundtrack” a compilation of all the songs we listen to… you know ”our soundtrack”. My mind is completley focused on Kylie, I have no gameplan, i have no idea what is going to happen, I am just living in the moment and trusting all my instincts… I have completley let go of any fear, I am going to let fate sort this one out.

SO after an hour or so I land in London (my heart is pounding all the way)… I text her ”I am here, I am minutes away”…. I jump on a tube & head towards her hotel (I am actually early) when I get a text back saying ”so excited, getting ready for you, text me when you are in the lobby”

And within 5 minutes, I am in the lobby, I have taken a photo on my phone of the Hotels sign & text it her ”guess were I am?”… She texts me back ”I am still getting ready, wait for me there, I want to be perfect for you”

And so I take a seat and wait….

Time drags so slowly, I was only there for 15 minutes but it seems like forever, i am just concentrating on keeping my heart as calm as possible, its pounding out of control & I feel faint….. seriously I am so excited i wanna pass out!!!

(SIDE NOTE: At this moment in time Kylie has gone out for the day, she has doctors appointments & has gone to the store, she just texted me ”are you writing the story, I can feel you so much right now”…. Isn’t she amazing, she knows every move I make!!)

Anyway, back to the story….

SO I am sat in the lobby when my phone goes ”Come to me, I can’t live without you anymore” (and directions to her room)… I spring up, text ”on my way” and jump into the lift, my phone goes again ”shall I leave the door open”… I text back ”yeah, leave open”

I get to her floor & take another set of steps up to her room, I suddenly stop as I see the room….. I have to take this in, this is a massive event & my heart feels like it is going to burst, so I stand there & breathe deeply trying to calm myself, when suddenly I hear her door click open on latch… I smile & suddenly I feel different… it’s her, I feel her, its a strange feeling unlike anything i have felt before, it gives me strength, I grab my suitcase, walk towards the door, push it open & enter…..

I am stood in front of her for the first time, (SOS is playing on her stereo!)she is leaning on the window facing me from across the room SHE LOOKS AMAZING…. ABSOLUTELY AMAZING, I MEAN JUST INCREDIBLY BEAUTIFUL, THE MOST STUNNING THING I HAVE EVER SEEN, her heart is pounding like mine, her chest is rising & falling as we stare at each other as I let go of my suitcase and prop myself up against the wall next to me, leaning on it as we just continue to stare into each others eyes…. I eventually say ”Hey you” & we start to walk towards each other, the next thing I know I have her in my arms and we are smothering ourselves in the worlds biggest & deepest kiss, I lift her off the floor & she wraps herself around me, we are just kissing so deeply, she has her hands on my face & I am holding her so tightly, we manage to get the odd word out ”I love you, I have missed you, my god you are real, we are here”… all kinds of stuff but what I remember most was the kisses, stopping occasionally to look at each other and then kissing some more…. I eventually push her up against the wall (whilst she is still in my arms) & we continue to kiss so deeply for what seems like hours….. I am sat here smiling just thinking about it, I can still smell her on me from that day, it was fucking awesome…. fuck me, she looked beautiful.

SO this is where time vanishes, I remember it being about 10.30pm when we started but seriously TIME NOW VANISHES!!!

We fall onto the bed, I am on top of her and we are  kissing like we have never kissed anyone before, my hands are all over her, touching her, feeling her… completley living in the moment, we are so lost in each other the world ceases to exist, we move around the bed, she is on top, I am on top, we are side by side ….and over the course of the next few hours we slowly undress each other (yes hours!) as we kiss and talk and laugh and cry and kiss.. and err kiss!!!

Eventually we are both naked, she looks fucking amazing naked, Jesus fucking Christ amazing!!! I mean I see her naked everyday and it still blows me away but the FIRST time I see her… goddamn…. GODDAMN!!! She has curves everywhere yet she is so thin, her body is just amazing, her perfect ass, legs that go on for days (she even has pefect feet!) and the biggest, roundest most perfect tits I have ever seen (and I have seen a lot of tits!!), she also has a tatoo on her ankle, across her shoulders, one on the small of her back but the one that drives me crazy is she has an entire sleeve down her right arm… its horny as hell!!!

At some point when we were naked she was on top of me, the words had slowly (over the period of time) gone from how much we love each other to…. well let me just say the most disgusting (yet strangley loving) filth I have ever heard, the stuff that came out of our mouths was just wrong!!! Passion had kicked in and we were heading for the ‘fuck of the century’…. at this stage I just wanna point out that I had had a hard on for about 4 or 5 hours, I was a bit errr… well you know…. 5 FUCKING HOURS C’MON I am only human (or so I thought!)

She then looked down at me with an almost evil look, then smiled at me & slapped me hard across the face, i mean she smashed her hand right across my fucking face HARD and growled ”now fuck me”…. it sure did the trick!!

I was suddenly the size of a small elephant again (hey its my blog, I’ll put what I want!) and then I fucked her, I beyond fucked her…. I double fucked her, no I think I actually triple fucked her, I fucked her into next week, back again & then fucked her some more…. it was practically abuse (fuck it, it was abuse!) we tore into each other for hours (I said I wasn’t human!!) and it was amazing, she came, i came, we came, there wasn’t any rules… nothing was off limits….  she came, i came, we came, it just didn’t stop, we didn’t stop….the sun came up….. we didn’t stop….. until eventually (time had vanished remember) both completley exhausted we collapsed into each others arms.

We are now just clinging onto each other (wet through, fucked up & totally immersed in each other)… AND WE WERE STILL KISSING!! eventually  just sitting up in bed, touching, stroking each other & watching out the window as london woke up. 

It was so perverse, so fucked up what we had just done (to each other!) but as we sat there I have to say it was the most romantic moment, it was beautiful, we held each other talking about us, how we got here & just staring at the world as it came back into focus….. This is when I truly discovered what love is, two people with such an incredible connection, speaking without words, our minds & bodies completley together, so happy, so content with no boundaries, like one person…..  yet this is only the beginning, this was the first night, what we have just grows over the next few weeks, it is still growing as I type this blog months later, we are so very lucky to have found each other again (and it is again, because I have known Kylie forever, this is NOT our first time around, it’s impossible for me to think that it is)

So as we sit there, we capture the moment, she takes photos of what we see & I take photos of her… she is so beautiful, I can’t help myself, we took some great photos so I am attaching them to this part of the blog… (I’m also attaching Kylie’s version, remember I told you about the book we wrote in London? Well, its what she wrote in it!)

This was the best day of my life so far and there is so much more to come….

I will start on part 8, the following day (which is a continuation of this day) tomorrow…

Thanks for reading, it’s appreciated, I think Kylie’s version is much better but I LOVED telling you mine… =) 

Andy

KYLIE’S VERSION:

I could feel you downstairs. Your heart was beating so fast.

I felt so bad that I was having to take so long to get ready, especially with you waiting, but I wanted to look as perfect as possible the first time I met you. Well, met you in person. Standing before me.  My heart raced as I finished getting dressed and looked in the mirror, smiling. I looked good. I was confident, excited. I picked up my phone and texted down to you:

“Come to me.  I can’t live without you anymore.”

“On my way.”

“Go to the 11th floor, stairs to the 13th”, then thinking back to our earlier conversations, I texted “Do you want me to leave the door open or….?”

Minutes passed and I didn’t get a text back. I was sad, knowing you didn’t get the text, that you were probably in the lift. There was a mirror on the back of the hotel room door and I stood looking into it, knowing any moment you would be on the other side of the door, pausing as I was now. Your heart reaching out to me…   I pressed my palms on the door and closed my eyes, reaching out to you, feeling, listening….

Then my heart stopped. I felt you. Or was I insane? I pictured you standing on the stairs, right outside the fire door, which was right outside room RT2. It was quiet though, no movement, no creaking of the stairs…must be my imagination. Then a text came through.

“Yeah, leave open.”

My heart skipped a beat, knowing you were on the landing of the stairs, right outside my door.  I stepped to the door and unlocked it, turned the handle and opened it, the sound it made seemed deafening as I did it and I was acutely aware that you too were hearing the same sounds as I was. We were close enough to each other to share the same sounds.

Stepping away from the door I press play on the mp3 player and the so- familiar SOS starts. I take a deep breath and glance around the room, not sure where to go…I lean against the windowsill, the fabulous view of the London skyline filling the picture window behind me.  As I placed my hands on the edges of the sill I was shocked at how they trembled…

There is a heavy thickness in the air, yet undeniable electricity.

The door opens and you step inside, silently you lean against the wall and your eyes rest on me. You are smiling and I take a deep breath as we look into each other’s eyes. The longest moment in the world passes. Then:

“Hey… you.”

At that moment the world around us no longer exists, the connection complete, time irrelevant and everything becomes a blur in my mind. We are one at last, I have come to you; to England, and you have come to me; in London. It is an epic, life altering adventure to us. We are meeting for the first time, yet reuniting after years lost…

Smiling, tears in my eyes… “Hey…you.”

We meet in the middle of the room and you are kissing me, deeply, passionately…so much joy, wonder, excitement, so much love. I am lost in your kisses and I realize I am being lifted off the ground and spun around; I wrap my legs around you, squeezing you tightly, kissing you deeply, smiling between kisses. I melt into you. You pin me against the wall continuing to drown me in your kisses.  There are words, however they are scattered and although deeply meaningful to us, are merely fragments of sentences and random words in the real world.

 My arms are around your neck…all over your body, pulling you closer to me…but mostly my hands are on your face – your handsome and so familiar face – and I hold it in my hands between kisses and stare into your endless dark eyes as I fall in love with you again and again.

I can’t believe it’s really you, that you are real, and here, now…in my arms.  We are talking, marveling, rolling, laughing, caressing…only we exist. Suddenly, three…maybe four hours have gone by, and we didn’t realize it. We spend the entire night lost, loving each other, bound by our beautiful, unexplainable connection, wallowing in our pure happiness, tearing each other apart.

As the sun rises over London we begin the first chapter of the rest of our lives.

Just got up!

Morning all,

Just awoke to a lovely day in California, Kylie is in the shower & I am gonna go & make breakfast then start on part 7…..

So far tody nothing to report, I have just checked the stats on the blog, WOW can’t believe how many of you are reading this, it’s awesome, cheers =)

Back soon

Andy

I now love Mirrors….

So I was taking some photos of Kylie for her fans, she was wearing ”Ho heals” and when you are 6ft 4 this makes easy access for fucking whilst standing up!!

..and seeing as I already had a camera in my hand and err… the tall mirror was just, well stood there, I thought fuck it, instant homemade porn with my very own pornstar!!!

Life is grand (and I now love Mirrors!)  

Night everyone… and sleep!

Andy

Well, wasn’t that fun….

Super dooper… what a great response to the blog part 7 preview, thanks to everybody that tweeted/retweeted or commented, glad you enjoyed it!

Anyway, tomorrow I will start part 7…. The london trip, can’t wait to tell you all about it. Meanwhile, todays antics finally saw me & Kylie do a podcast, it was around 2 hours and was a hell of a lot of fun, all I have to do now is edit it & get it posted, should be up around Wednesday if we don’t encounter problems (fingers crossed).

SO all there is left to do tonight is Kylie’s polaroids (for her fans) & then bang the fuck out of her ass….

So goodnight then, I hope you are all having a lot of fun wherever you may be!

Andy

Part 7 …..the preview!

Ok, before I get to part 7 (which is us meeting in London) I need to explain a couple of things:

1. We decided to write a book about the adventure & update it daily.

2. We had alot of disgusting, no warped… errr no, well if I am being honest I don’t know what to called it, Sex isn’t it & Fucking just doesn’t cover it, it was something else, definately wrong, probably illegal but that’s not what I’m getting at, the whole point of me telling you this is that when I get to the story if you are related to me (or have a heart condition!) DO NOT read part 7, seriously dont read it, it is fucked up!!…. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!!!

Anyway, I was chatting with Kylie today (as we read the book) & we decided (seeing as part 7 will be so big) that maybe we should break you in slowly & do a whole blog of quotes from the 2 weeks we were together (which I probably couldn’t fit in to the story) but are SO funny to read, it’s a shame to ignore them: So sit back & enjoy Part 7… the preview!

Kylie ”If you have complaints… you can just…err Fuckoff”

Kylie ”My ass is being persnickety”

Kylie ”How’s the legend the morning after the night before?”  Andy ”How can I summerize THAT !!”

Andy ”Do you remember when I first walked into the room? ” Kylie ”yes” Andy ”err.. wasn’t it great!”

Kylie ”Your hands aren’t THAT big.. I got em in!”

Andy ”You sick fucker.. How dare you just wake me up & think you can just fuck me!”

Kylie ”You were talking about fucking with the thing…. and fuck off!”

Kylie ”Even I am quite impressed with my cock swallowing skills”

Kylie ”Have you ever tried twittering with a cock up your ass?”

Andy ”Women have always treated me like some kind of sex experiment”

Kylie ”I’m 10lbs of tits”

Kylie ‘‘fuckupidness”

Andy ”It’s like having a Ferrari.. AND a chauffeur”

Andy ”I’m the Harry Potter of the sex world”

Kylie ”I need to go home, jump out of an aeroplane, have a massage & come back to you”

Kylie ” I can’t remember what the cat being thrown against  wall sounds like… I think it’s Phdump!”

Kylie ”We took lots of photos in the park today, including blue dogs & fancy ducks”

Andy ”I now have new sex things”

Kylie ”Don’t ever fall in love with the clever chicks”

Andy ” I love you because.. errr I always have!”

Andy ”I have been hiding in the bushes for 24 years undergoing facial reconstruction by family of plastic surgeon caterpilars”

Kylie ”Phwomp”

Kylie ”what do you mean we have nothing to do? We have walks to go on, swans to feed, photos to take… and a knife to buy!”

Kylie (doing impression of a cat being thrown against a cow) ”Rearrw, Phwomp….mooo!”

Andy ”Its a vanilla cheesecake Kiss”

Andy ”Sorry, I was just washing the sugar off my cock”

Kylie ”What’s the point of having your very own porn star if you are not going to dress her up and play with her?”

Kylie ”Will you pass me a bottle of water from the bag of death?”

Kylie ”Ack!! we are wedged”

Andy ”Shall we stay inside where the 4D people are… the extra D stands for depth!”

Kylie ”If I have a virus, you put it there”

Andy ”This room is pimp, we have dildos, lube & big wads of cash, all we need now is guns and drugs…. we do however have Cheesy Wotsits & Brioche’

Kylie ”Andrew is a man of many adjectives”

Kylie ”This is the most disgusting relationship of all time”

Kylie ”I mean, you can have total control of your tail, so you can just wrap it around something and squeeze”

Kylie ”You have broken me!”

Andy ”I would love you if you were just stump neck!”

Kylie ”Just how much do I love this man?”

Kylie ”you are a 3 cock adventure”

Andy ”You came like a banshee!’